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All the ladies still want me.

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Outgoing transmission 001: Umm.. help?
Spider's Trash
Today began like any other day. Well, any other day where I haven't had nearly enough sleep but still need to get up early and be productive. I woke with just enough time to pound down a cup of coffee and a couple of biscuits, and was out the door at 7:45. I locked the door, put on my headphones, and disappeared into the groove of the morning.

The problem with headphones is that sometimes they cause you to not pay attention to your surroundings. Normally it's not a problem, I'm so used to the walk at this point that I can dance the entire way to the bus stop with my eyes closed and still make it on time, probably only falling once or twice. This morning, however, I got caught up listening to Jackie Wilson ("You know your love.. keep on liftin'.. higher.. higher and higher..") and was getting to the point where I was happy enough that I no longer minded that I had to be up so early, when I opened my eyes, looked around, and realized I had no idea where I was. Like, not only was I not on the street I thought I was on, I wasn't even in the right neighborhood. I saw a street sign.. Lee Ave? Where the hell is that? Clearly, I had a dilemma. I had ten minutes to get to my bus stop or I was going to have to hoof it to work. I looked to the sky to try and get my bearings, maybe figure out where the main road was, but the cloud cover was so thick the sun wasn't visible in the slightest. I looked behind myself, but left no discernible tracks anywhere I looked. How in the hell?

Being that it was way earlier than anyone I know gets up, and I was the person opening the store today, there wasn't anybody I could call for help or to give a heads up to at that moment. All I could do was pick the direction which seemed most likely to lead to a main road, take a deep breath, and run like the dickens. The Jackson 5 came on the headphones at this time, which was fortunate, as the fast-paced rhythms and upbeat grooves are great for when you need to run somewhere fast.

As I ran, I began to focus on my form. I didn't want to think about by breath, the distance to where I hoped the bus stop was, or how my legs were starting to hurt. I just tried to focus on my positioning. Knees higher, lean more forward, think like you're climbing stairs, and so on.. the things I think about to distract myself while running. These distractions were working wonderfully because after a minute or so, I began to feel like I was falling forward. Not towards the ground, but almost like I was gliding downhill. All other thoughts departed as I began to feel somehow lighter. I pumped my legs, leaned in a bit more, and my feet kept pace. It felt like I was running down a vertical cliff face at this point. I was moving so quickly and so effortlessly that for a brief moment I thought I had developed super speed! That's silly, of course, superpowers don't exist. Still, it wasn't long after that I noticed my feet left the ground. Still moving. Feet no-groundy. Uh-oh?

I stop moving and realize now that I'm being propelled forward and upwards. I also feel a slight squeezing around my midsection, and look down to see metallic tentacles snaking their way around the top parts of my legs. Shit! Shocked, confused, and horrified, I try to wrench my legs free, but the tentacles are holding firm. My headphones fall off and I notice for the first time a low, bassy buzzing sound. Damn you Michael Jackson! Your funky bass grooves entranced me to the point I didn't notice imminent danger! Looking in the direction my sudden propulsion seemed to be coming from, I saw what I can only describe as a giant floating metal orb, covered with varying lengths of spikes, and pulsing with some kind of bluish light. How the hell did I miss this before? Did it just arrive? Was it above the clouds? Did it make the clouds? Wherever it came from, I saw several of the spikes on the bottom side grow to incredible length, dart out with amazing speed for something so huge, dip down towards the ground, and contract again, apparently holding.. things. What happened to the things it grabbed I couldn't say, because I had just enough time to register this sight before I was being whisked by this umbilicus straight into the air, and towards the gigantic floating behemoth. While being dragged away, I had a moment to survey the landscape before me. Turns out all I did was walk past the bus stop. I was like three streets over and headed in the right direction. I could see the bus, however, and it was clear I wouldn't have made it anyway. It's probably a good thing, because I saw one of the umbilici pierce the bus through the windshield, lift it into the air, then began to shake erratically in an apparent effort to dislodge the bus. The effort paid off, and the bus went careening through the top floor of the Big Chief Motel. So I guess I got lucky.

I began to punch the metal bits that were wrapped around me. Those I could reach, anyway. The metal was surprisingly yielding, like punching a rubbermaid lid. My attack had no effect other than an unsatisfying "whunngg" sound, as though the umbilici were hollow. The metal was gunmetal grey, mostly smooth, but with intermittent notches where the metal separated completely, meaning the umbilicus was not a continuous piece of metal but a series of rings, each with the ability to change it's apparent size and mass, or at least stretch and work in concert to hold things. Namely me. The gaps between the rings pulsed with the same bluish light as the orb I was hurtling towards. It was close now, and it was far bigger than I had previously thought. From nearer to the ground, it looked about three times the size of a large football stadium. Now that I was nearer and could see it against the backdrop of the mountains, I realized it had to be ten times that. Massive doesn't even begin to describe it. I was considering this when suddenly, the umbilicus around me grew taut, it's grip around me tightened to the point where it was almost crushing, and in an instant, I was hurtling towards the orb at an insane speed! Tears streamed sideways out of my eyes and into my hair from the sheer force of wind and cold suddenly blasting into my eyes. It wasn't the first time today I lamented leaving my bed. At least now I wasn't worried about work. Frankly, my dear, fuck 'em at this point. I clenched my eyes tight.. as much as I wanted to see what the hell the orb was, if it was going to kill me, if it was living or mechanical, or just what the hell it is PERIOD, I just couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. I could feel the icy tear tracks up my temples and into my sideburns, the biting wind ripping through my hair and blasting through my winter coat like it was made of screening. The realization that my hat is now long-gone. I try to open my eyes again and am barely able to discern the greyish white of the sky before everything is completely blacked out by the shadow of this gunmetal leviathan. Two seconds later... nothing.

And by nothing, I mean that. Nothing. Once the sky was blacked out for me, the bassy buzz I heard before suddenly rose to a crescendo, filling my senses with this unearthly, vibrating, deep bass hum, making my entire body vibrate until it felt like nothing.. and then.. nothing. All I see around me is blackness. There is a floor here, but I can't see it. Holding my face next to it, it's not discernible from the area around me. I can see myself just fine, like I'm under fluorescent light but I can make out no shapes in the apparently infinite shadow around me. I can walk and move freely, but I do not have the sensation of movement when I walk. It's like being suspended by a rope and moving your arms and legs in a walking motion, but not actually moving. After what felt like a few hours but was probably only ten minutes, I sat down and pulled out my phone. What else am I going to do? I'm surrounded by apparently infinite blackness, I just got ripped out of my life by a metallic tentacle taking me God knows where, and I have nothing to do. I have no bars, but somehow I see wifi hotspots popping up on my phone here and there. That's when I had the idea to type this out. I type for a while, check for an open hotspot, then go back to typing. When I see a hotspot I can jump on to, I will post this in the hopes that.. I dunno.. maybe one of you can find me? Maybe someone else knows what's going on? I don't know what I'm going to do now that I'm here, but at least I can send out this post, message-in-a-bottle style, and if nothing else, someday someone will learn my fate. Assuming there's still someone out there to read it.

Also, I'm getting hungry. This sucks.


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